Room 507, Tuesday evening

[nadiathesaint]

Nadia rushed straight back to her room after what had happened with Joxer.

It'd happened again. She didn't remember what she was thinking, but she was pretty sure she hadn't been seeing Joxer.

She felt nauseous as she stood, just inside her doorway, gasping for breath.

She really was losing it, wasn't she.

[ooc: not for general public to intrude upon. Roomie or boyfriend, only, please.]

Comments

[walter-n-wires.livejournal.com]

Walter stopped behind her, effectively blocking the doorway, but decided trying to touch her at that moment might not be the best idea.

"Nadia? Can you talk to me?" She might not. She usually didn't, but it was worth the ask.

[nadiathesaint]

Nadia tensed, turned, then stumbled backwards and landed on her butt on the floor, where she decided to stay.

She took as deep a breath as she could.

"I'm sorry."

[walter-n-wires.livejournal.com]

Walter came the rest of the way into the room and closed the door before kneeling at her side. "You didn't hurt me. What happened back there?"

[nadiathesaint]

Nadia shook her head, keeping her face behind her hair. She was starting to shake a little again. "I don't know."

[walter-n-wires.livejournal.com]

Walter sat down and carefully put an arm around her, not sure what reaction he expected from her, but this was too much. She did not deserve to hurt like this.

"Alright. What do you want right now? Other than to be alone, because that isn't happening."

[nadiathesaint]

Nadia tensed when she felt him touch her, but didn't pull away. After a moment, she forced herself to lean against him, slightly. "Is he okay?"

[walter-n-wires.livejournal.com]

He didn't push things any further. She'd relax in her own time. "I'm sure that whatever passes for his brain is a bit rattled, but I don't know how we'd know the difference."

[nadiathesaint]

Nadia giggled, a bit manically. "I didn't--I didn't mean to--I just got so angry. . . ."

[walter-n-wires.livejournal.com]

"I saw." He'd actually intended to let her indulge it until it had looked like it was getting away from her. "How are you now?"

[nadiathesaint]

"Tired." Her voice hitched. "Scared." She pulled her knees up and hugged them with her good arm. "I keep losing control--dios, what if I try--What if I end up like I was in April?"

[walter-n-wires.livejournal.com]

That question was on Walter's mind, too. "Promise me that if you start thinking that way again, you'll tell me."

[nadiathesaint]

Nadia swallowed. "Already promised you that. Not going to break it."

Not going to break. . . .

"Dr. Pevensie can help." She was telling herself as much as she was telling him. "I'll get better and you won't always have to pick up the pieces of me when I break down."

[walter-n-wires.livejournal.com]

"I want that because I want you to be happy. I'll pick you up as many times as it takes, though." If he could just trust himself not to be one of the reasons she went to pieces.

[nadiathesaint]

Nadia twisted and wrapped her arm as tightly around him as she could.

And stupid brace, keeping her from doing the same with the other arm.

"Thank you." She didn't think she could say that enough. "I'm sorry I'm so messed up."

[walter-n-wires.livejournal.com]

Walter had two good arms to return the embrace and did. He had many people he wanted to make answer for just why she was messed up, but he couldn't shake the thought that he was one of them.

"I didn't see you standing in 'screw up my life' line, so I don't think you can apologize for what's not your fault."

[nadiathesaint]

"I could--I should be able to handle this. Compartmentalize. They taught that . . . in the training. . . ."

[walter-n-wires.livejournal.com]

Walter didn't have much to say to that. Compartmentalizing was how he did the high wire act that kept him semi-sane.

"I can't see how they could have taught you to handle something no one has had to go through before." Unless there were other people whom Rambaldi had effectively cursed with his predictions and potions.

[nadiathesaint]

Nadia laughed once. "I'm not the first person who has ever been kidnapped."

[walter-n-wires.livejournal.com]

"That's not all that has gone poorly for you this year." He corrected himself. "In the past two years. Rambaldi. Time travel. Betrayal. Vampires. Serums. Invasions. Kidnappings. Did your program cover all of those?"

[nadiathesaint]

Nadia closed her eyes. ". . . No. Not even half."

[walter-n-wires.livejournal.com]

"Then you can apologize when you've been properly trained to handle all those things and you're still having problems."

It was probably a good thing that she couldn't read minds, since the reasoning behind his being so understanding was more than a little chauvinist.

[nadiathesaint]

Yeah, well, if she could, she might point out that he hid away for a week instead of facing one of his problems.

Okay, probably not. But she'd definitely think of saying it later.

"I don't want to be crazy."

[walter-n-wires.livejournal.com]

He would vehemently assert that he was facing it through the time-honored method of brooding thinking about it.

Fortunately, the point was moot.

"I don't have much trouble with crazy," said the artist formerly known as Fishgrenade. "I don't want you to be miserable."

[nadiathesaint]

"I attacked another student. One that I know can't fight back. If crazy were just sitting around listening to the stars or fish or something, that'd be fine, but. . . ." Nadia sighed, her body finally slowing down in it's shaking readiness. ". . . that's just cruel."

[walter-n-wires.livejournal.com]

"I don't want you to be miserable," Walter said again. "This makes you miserable. If Dr. Pevensie can help you, see her. Do what she tells you to do. If there's anything I can do, tell me and I will."

[nadiathesaint]

". . . Tell me how you always stay so calm."

[walter-n-wires.livejournal.com]

She would have to ask for something difficult. "Training and temperament, I suppose. And controlled bouts of violence."

[nadiathesaint]

"Could you teach me?"

[walter-n-wires.livejournal.com]

"I can try. I'm not sure if it helps to be English or not," he smiled to indicate a joke before pressing a kiss to her temple.

"But you'll have to stop getting upset if you destroy a practice dummy. You've seen what I do in the junkyard."

[nadiathesaint]

"It's when I don't mean to destroy it. Have to be able to control it, sometimes."

[walter-n-wires.livejournal.com]

Walter held up a hand to let wires drop from his rings before twitching his fingers to draw them back in an almost hallucinatory glint.

"I have to think about control all the time. Maybe that's how I do it. If I really lose my temper, other people would be lucky if all they lost were limbs."

He put that arm around her again and sighed. "You can do it, Nadia. You're strong enough and smart enough to learn."