Room 507, Thursday night (after the beach)

[nadiathesaint]

By the time they made it back up to Nadia's room from the beach, Nadia felt like she just might end up shivering herself apart. They'd had to stop by Walter's room so he could get some clothes and his blankie electric blanket, during which time Nadia had just leaned against the wall, staring into space.

She thought as though she could feel herself changing now (but that might have simply been her skin waking up after the freezing it got in the water).

And worst yet, she knew Walter wasn't going to leave her alone until she explained what the hell she'd been doing out there.

She wasn't entirely sure she knew.

[ooc: locked to walter_n_wires]

Comments

[walter-n-wires.livejournal.com]

Walter looked around for an outlet and plugged in his blankie electric blanket. He also plugged in his electric kettle before flopping down on the unused bed in Nadia's room and wiggling his fingers and toes as he huddled up under the blanket.

"Are you really enjoying those wet clothes that much?"

[nadiathesaint]

Nadia looked down at her clothing. It honestly hadn't occurred to her to change. She glanced up at Walter and blinked.

She actually would have rather gotten the interrogation over with, but being dry sounded pretty good, too.

Though she was pretty sure Walter didn't actually want to watch her changing. What with him being gay and all.

Dammit,

She gestured for him to turn around, then started pulling at her shirt off.

[walter-n-wires.livejournal.com]

Walter turned around without hesitation. Look, interesting wall. And his blanket was warming up. This was good.

Okay, it was still very odd to know that he was alone in a room with a naked or half-naked girl.

[nadiathesaint]

Nadia changed as quickly as she could into her pajamas, then shoved her backpack and assorted things onto the floor with a crash, wrapped her own blanket around herself, and huddled in the middle of the bed.

She totally should have gone with the running away thing. Maybe running away, then swimming out to sea.

Furrball leaped cheerfully onto the bed and started butting his head against her knee, purring like an engine Nadia stared down at him, then remembered Walter with a start.

"You can turn around." Her voice was raspy from the sea water, but at least she was no longer stuttering.

[walter-n-wires.livejournal.com]

Walter turned back around and tucked the blanket around himself again.

"Right. I think we can skip the obvious 'what were you doing?' question and ask the next obvious question - why were you trying to drown yourself?"

[nadiathesaint]

She actually nearly tried to deny trying to drown herself. A snarky "I was trying to swim home to Argentina" was just dancing on the tip of her tongue, but she bit it back. She shut her eyes and turned her face away.

"I have to." Then, knowing what question would come next, she continued. "Otherwise, no one will be safe."

[walter-n-wires.livejournal.com]

Walter frowned. "I've heard of people thinking the world rested on their shoulders, but you've got it a little turned around. Why do you think you're so bad?"

[nadiathesaint]

Nadia shook her head, giving a hoarse, pained laugh. "Have you not been paying attention? Lilly, Veronica, Marty, Angela, Allie, they're all hurt. Because of me. And it's only going to get worse."

[walter-n-wires.livejournal.com]

Walter blinked. "How did you hurt any of them?"

[nadiathesaint]

Nadia stared at Walter for a moment before realizing he didn't know about what had happened at Empire.

"Someone . . . tried to have me killed. Lilly got hurt trying to stop it, and she's Veronica's best friend. Marty had to leave town because he was the one who was supposed to do the killing, and now Angela's upset because he had to leave."

She looked down again. "And Allie got attacked last night. Right after I was talking to her at Luke's. I should have walked home with her."

[walter-n-wires.livejournal.com]

Walter frowned, trying to make sense of the spill of information.

"Wait. Someone tried to have you killed? How did Lilly try to stop it?" And Marty?

[nadiathesaint]

Nadia took a deep breath, not missing the fact that Walter hadn't denied that she'd screwed up with Allie. "This weekend, before--while--a man contacted Marty. He said he needed to have Veronica and I killed, and that Marty had to do it. He said it was because of a case Veronica solved and a job I pulled in Argentina, but I know that's not true. It was part of the Rambaldi thing." The Italian name came out like a curse. "Angel, Lilly, and Jake, they pretended to be Marty, Veronica, and I, because they can get shot and not die. But Lilly hit her head or something and now she's still in the clinic."

[walter-n-wires.livejournal.com]

"How do you know it's connected to that? If it were just connected to the Rambaldi thing, why would he bother wanting Veronica killed? Does she know about it?"

He frowned. "Who else knows about it other than me?"

[nadiathesaint]

"Because everything that has ever happened to me comes down to Rambaldi! As long as I can remember, it always has!" She shook her head. "No one else knows. Veronica . . . she's got some information. The name, what happened in Russia. That's it."

[walter-n-wires.livejournal.com]

"So what? In the rest of your life have you known vampires, demons, vampire hunters, alchemists... you name it? I thought my ego was big. Now you're going to take the blame for every shitty thing that happens on the island?"

[nadiathesaint]

Nadia clutched her blanket tighter, curling in on herself a little. "You don't understand! Every night, I see it. Ever since--that's what Rambaldi is trying to say. The world is going to end, and I am going to be the one who does it!"

[ooc: *waves* Hi! That's totally incorrect! But hey, she's hysterical. and kind of a drama queen.]

[walter-n-wires.livejournal.com]

"How do you know? You also said I was a monster. Not everything you dream is going to be real."

[nadiathesaint]

How can she possibly explain how she knows? She just does. She searches for examples.

"I recognized Sloane when I first saw him. Because I had dreamed about him. About him doing . . . that to me. I dreamed that Parker's mother showed me a music box, one that Parker herself remembers seeing. I had no way to know about those things, but I saw them. And they're real."

[walter-n-wires.livejournal.com]

"So you see the end of the world? Do you see yourself pushing the button or summoning the demon or doing whatever it is? Why can't your dreams mean that you're the one to stop it?"

[nadiathesaint]

"Because I'm not me any more. They do something to me and then I'm a monster." Nadia was staring at her hands again. They'd gotten most of their color back by now, but she still shuddered when she thought of how pale they'd been. "Pale skin, very pale. And red eyes. . . . That's what Sloane was talking about, in the letter. It had already happened to his Nadia, and everything was wrong, and he had to inject me with that elixir to try and stop it."

She stared up at Walter again, begging for him to understand. "And I know how now. If I survive, it'll all happen. I'll change, and I'll hurt people and everyone else will change, too. I can't let that happen."

[walter-n-wires.livejournal.com]

"Pale skin and red eyes. Sounds like my last boyfriend." Walter smiled slightly, but the humor of the situation was rather lacking.

"But he did. And you aren't like that. He said he wanted to cure you. I read the note, remember?"

[nadiathesaint]

Nadia was starting to shake again, though she was no longer cold. "If that was the cure, then why am I still having the dreams? Why do I have to see that if it's already fixed?"

[walter-n-wires.livejournal.com]

Walter pulled the plug on his blankie blanket and joined Nadia on her bed, dropping the blanket on her shoulders and grabbing a corner for himself.

"It hasn't even been a week. Didn't you tell me it took time for the drug to leave your system? Or what if that's the future if you do swim off and let yourself sink?"

[nadiathesaint]

Nadia pulled her knees up to her chest and dropped her head down on top of them. It hadn't even been a week. It felt like it had been three years.

"I just want it to stop."

[walter-n-wires.livejournal.com]

"Taking a swim to nowhere is probably a last resort, don't you think?" He scooted closer and put an arm across her back. "Can you give it a little time before you try that again? Talk to some of the people we have here at school who might know how to help you control this?"

[nadiathesaint]

The reality of what she'd tried to do suddenly crashed down around Nadia, then, and she started shaking even harder. God, what had she been thinking? She was a survivor. She always had been, otherwise she'd have been dead years ago, back in Russia.

"I d-don't want anyone to know." She sniffed. "A-about tonight."

[walter-n-wires.livejournal.com]

"I promise." He tightened his hold on her and leaned his chin on her shoulder. "On one condition. If you try anything like this again, I will have to tell someone. I'm not letting you die on me."

[nadiathesaint]

Then the rest of it hit her. Walter had nearly watched her die. She'd practically demanded that he do it. She already knew he'd lost his parents, and she was going to make him lose someone else.

It had all made so much sense, earlier.

She felt like she was losing bits of herself, like they were just falling off onto the floor, but he kept being there to put them back together. And she'd tried to ruin that. "I'm so sorry."

[walter-n-wires.livejournal.com]

"Promise me you won't do this again. Call me. Call Veronica, or Pippi or anyone." He hugged her tightly and sighed. "I need you alive for the day when I need you to hold me together. That's what friends do, right?"

[nadiathesaint]

Nadia let out a single sob, then nodded, her face still pressed against her knees. She wanted to say something, anything, but all she could think of was "sorry" and that wasn't any where near a big enough word. She doubted she'd ever be the one to hold Walter together, though.

He was too good at doing that for himself.

Well, unless he got accidentally stoned, again.

"I promise."

[walter-n-wires.livejournal.com]

"Good." He gave her another squeeze before letting go and putting a little space between them on the bed. "You can start by making sure I don't come down with pneumonia overnight from our little swim. You're a good swimmer, by the way."

[nadiathesaint]

She almost sobbed again at the loss of contact, but held it in. She sniffed instead and lifted her head a little. "I used to do it a lot, in Buenos Aires." She shifted a little as Furrball leaped up into the space between them. "The water was a lot warmer, there."

She was shivering a little again. "Are you going to stay here tonight?" It was possibly a dumb question, but sooner or later, Victor would get mad, and that was the last thing she wanted.

Okay, maybe not the last thing, but it was up there.

[walter-n-wires.livejournal.com]

Walter tentatively scratched Furrball and nodded. "The swimming in and around London isn't the best. That's why I cheated."

He considered her question and thought about Victor. He didn't need to know that Walter wasn't spending the night elsewhere. It wasn't as though he was actually sleeping in Nadia's bed or anything.

"I don't think you should be alone tonight."

[nadiathesaint]

She nodded, anger flaring very briefly at the mention of how he'd 'cheated' on the beach, but fading quickly, since she knew it was probably the only reason she was still breathing. "D-do you need anything?" The other bed had a pillow, but was lacking in sheets. At least he already had a blanket.

[walter-n-wires.livejournal.com]

"I'm okay." Of course, she had his blanket and he wasn't likely to take it away from her. "I'll even sleep in the bed this time. Get some sleep, Nadia."

[nadiathesaint]

"Buenas noches, Walter."